I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason.  That the universe has a master plan for all of and every choice we make with our free will either leads us to, or away from our intended destination.  When life is going grand, it is of course much easier to see the good in everything and rejoice in our blessings.  When life is looking bleak it is much harder to try and understand why we are facing our current shitastic circumstances.

However, if we take a moment to ponder our life’s journey up until today, what  fabulous  adventures and people would we have missed out on had we not  had to climb up that hill or made it through that storm?  I would not give up a single experience because I do not know what it would have changed in my life.  How different I would be.  Where I would be.

Our scar’s and mended hearts should be worn proudly, badges of honor.  The fact that we get up in the morning and look another day in the face, even in our darkest moment is a true testament that as human beings, we are survivors. Just as the memories that make us smile should be given thanks for everyday. The fact that we experienced something that has given us joy.

The simple twist’s of fate that happen to us everyday should not be underestimated.

xo,

Boo

Terms that actually drive me “bonkers”? as critical as I am this should be an easy one:

1) Moist

2) Cakey

3) Aren’t

4) Any term people feel the need to punctuate  with air quotes

Prue has become my most valued sidekick.  I love all of my furry kids.  However, Prue is the one that is always with me.  She follows me wherever I got, listens to all of my stories without judgment, and can always be counted on to snuggle with me at night.  Everyone needs a Prue, esp when going through the process of trying to change your life.

Through all of my recent self and life evaluation, she has consistently been by my side.  She really is woman’s best friend.

XO,

Boo

How boring would it be if we just had to look at dead foliage and empty tree branches until Spring?  There is beauty in everything.

I just may have to make a snow angel this morning…

XO

Boo

2. Love is going around.

3. Coats and scarves, mittens and boots: winter is cold.

4. I really need a nice back rub.

5. I’m thinking about closure.

6. Opions be damned.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I’m looking forward to Applebees, tomorrow my plans include laughing and Sunday, I want to see goats…lol

How the Hell did I get Here-Day Quattro

Introspection sucks ass.  Yes, ass.  I will admit the following about myself:  (and those of you reading this that truly know me will all be shaking your head in agreement)

• Bitchy
• Bratty
• Egotistical
• Selfish

I think that covers the big nasty ones…but what if I am okay with those? lol  What if I have reached an age where I am good with all my habits?  Wait, I think that defeats the “Independence” purpose…Damn…So, I will also give myself:

• Funny
• Witty
• Kind
• Loving
• Caring

I like to think that I can work on removing “Selfish” from the first list and add “Forgiving” to the second list.  Anything is possible, Oprah just found out she has a half sister for Pete’s sake!

XO,

Boo

First, let me say that I was just too damn lazy to post on day two…no other reason, just lazy.

Part of the scary deep dive into self involves that cliche process of “Why am I the way that I am, and who can I blame?” May I take a moment to just say that I would gladly give my right arm to be able to just simply point a finger and say “Your fault! Not it!”. Let’s face it, the guilty party is the one typing these words, and at some point we are all adults and have the ability to make our own choices.

So, I began to wonder where I have gained  any wisdom that I may have, looked for wisdom and lastly, needed wisdom.  Wisdom seemed like a nice trait to start with.  I really didn’t want to start trying to figure out why I am such a bitch right off the bat, I wanted to be a wee bit kind to my self.  I have looked to God, My Church, My family, Friends, Religious Texts, Spirituality, Television, Movies and most of all, literature.

The first writer that really touched me and reeled me in was Robert Fulghum.  I began reading his books in 8th grade.  When I was staring off into space contemplating where to start on the self dissection and where to go first, I decided off the cuff to check out his website for some wisdom, and below is a Journal entry of his that reminded me that sometimes, you just have to march forward and take care of what needs to be done.  I can contemplate until my legs fall asleep in Lotus Position, but action is what is necessary…

REALITY-Robert Fulghum

What is real?
Ontology is the formal study of the nature of existence.
And by nature I’m drawn to the speculations found in philosophy,
poetry, theology, and even the occult sciences.
Where did it all come from? And where is it all going?
Why is there anything at all?
Thinking about worlds of spirit, faith, imagination, dreams, and belief can pleasantly occupy time and energy, but it often leaves me feeling like I’ve been wandering around in a landscape made of Jello mixed with quicksand.
Not much hard ground to stand on.
But some things are realer than others.

If the rear brakes on your car are worn, existential speculation is of no use. You must act at least as if the car is real, as if the condition of the brakes is real. And if you yourself want to continue being real for awhile, you’d best not consult a theologian or a tarot card reader for brake repair.

My banged-up old Ford Brontosaurus was slowly losing stopping power.
Mushy brakes are a different order of reality from mushy thinking.
So the maroon beast was driven carefully into town and placed in the hands of Mike, the mechanic – a man who knows brakes, and he went to work.

Three hours later he emerged from the shop.
“Won’t have any trouble stopping now,” says he. “New rear discs.”
“And I put some goop in the brake fluid so you won’t even have any shuddering on a quick turn or fast stop.”

When Mike says the brakes are fixed and working, I believe him.
This is not an ontological surmise.
When I slammed on the brakes to test them on the way home, bygod I stopped so well I almost put myself through the windshield.

There is room for a lot of creative speculation in this life.
Meta-reality.
But there’s room for real reality.
And good brakes.

(As I was driving home I wondered what would happen if I drank some of that brake fluid goop? Would it stop my shuddering when I make quick turns or sudden stops? Ah, well, now I’m back to fuzzy thinking and foolish speculation. . .)

www.robertflughum.com

XO,

Boo

How the hell did I get here, Day Uno.  

Aquiring independence is not cheap, nor is it for the faint of heart.  I feel like Jacob Marley with the chains of my sins wrapped around my legs and a mile stretch of baggage that I have to carry.  Realizing that I am for all intents and purposes the the captain of my ship, I also need to realize that there are turbulant, stormy waters that I have purposley sailed into.   “Do Not Enter” ,”Warning, Stay Back!!!!!”, “Enter at your Own Risk”….how many of these signs have I just waved at as I passed by?  My first step, I guess, should be that whole “looking at myself” thing…I must admit that scares me more than Oprah (admit it, you are scared of her too).  Introspection; BUM BUM BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM.  It is a nessecity and these chains and luggage have become heavy and bothersome and are keeping me from catching up to my true happiness.  Ahhhhh, but which suitcase to unpack first? Which Skeleton to dance with and bid farewell? Which chain to bend back?  I feel like I am at the threshold of maze, where anything possible is right around the corner waiting to jump out at me and yell “gotcha!”.  Or, better yet, it is snowing, I am at a hotel in Sidewinder and Jack Nicholsen is chasing me thru said maze with his axe screaming that he doesn’t want to hurt me.

I fully understand that some of the items in my bag’s will not be horrific   But there are things I have not wanted to look at or think about., like my Grandparents.  They were my everything.  I don’t relive or think about my time with them because it is painful.  But those memories too, will be part of my independence.  Unpacking and putting things in their proper place.

“Are you there God? It’s me, Becky, do you a few moments?”

XO,

Boo

Having spent way too much time wishing for this or that or things to be different in my life, I am declaring today my Independence Day.  I am going to not only decide what I truly want out of this lifetime, but actually plow forward to get there.  I am going to stop wearing my wishbone where my backbone should be.

I firmly believe that there is no glory in being a martyr.

That said, it is easier typed than done, and I see a lot of prayer in my future asking for strength and guidance.